My life hasn't been the easiest and I feel that I need this to be known. It all started my seventh grade year when my grandpa had past away and it was just my little sister, brother and I left with no where to go.
CPS (Child Protective Service) came into the situation knowing that we had no one to care of us and they were about to separate us into different homes. Luckily my uncle had took us all in and we were able to live with them until my mother at the time was stable. My mom was in rehab at the time trying to get better. All of us had checked out of our school except for my older brother and my little sister and I, we had went to
Wharton Jr. High. My life at Wharton Jr. High was really hard. Having to deal with getting picked on everyday to skipping lunch because I was scared and didn't want to be seen. I had a lot of evil thoughts about trying to put my life to an end. I would try to come up with different scenarios to kill myself. Whenever I had no where or no one else to turn to I went to God. The fact that my uncle was a preacher and we attended church Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays helped me out a lot. I found that personal connection with God and prayed to him all the time to help me make the right decisions and to guide my footsteps. When summer had came my little sister and I went to our other uncle that lived in
Sealy and had ended up staying there the whole summer. Miraculously my mom was out of rehab and we were able to re-conciliate with each as a family. I just thank God for keeping a hedge of protection over me and leading me in the right direction.
Matthew 19:26:
"But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible."
~ Here is a poem that reflects on how I feel:
Suicidal
It’s like a criminal disease that tries to self please the case of existence
Only in knowing that your life will be split within one instant
The feeling of not belonging in a world so vivid
Your mind appeals to only a death sentence
Taking this path is yet crucial but persistent
Not wanting anyone’s advice or assistance
Is this how life acquires resistance?
When you try to become stable there’s that one that doesn’t know
Not knowing what you’ve been through and that your long- overdue
Time is ticking and you set your date like an interview
Mad at humanity because the world has left you
Trying to prove a point to those who are rude
All that is left of you is your residue
Is all this stuff I’m saying untrue?
Point to be proven after its all done
Shun to your folks as they stare at the handgun
Knowing that you were their only son
Is this a battle and have you won?
Leaving the ones that loved you in tears and pain
Unbearable to manage when they see your old stuff that remains
Family feeling like their in chains
Turning on religion because the God they believed in took their sons brains
Leaving nothing but bloodstains on the carpet as it restrains
Flooding bottles of champagne to release and drain thoughts of becoming insane
Is this a repeated process that’s being sustained?
I say we take this as life learned theme
That we know not to speak of such things
Instead keep your head held high
Don’t be sad and say good bye
For HE will always be nearby
Look to the one who died for you and for me
We will never be a deportee but have life guaranteed
Try to build your self-esteem
Then maybe you will have a chance to dream!
